God's "NO"s and Blurry Photos

Let me clear: these are terrible pictures. But to me, blurry photos often indicate too much joy is present.

In Psalms today I was reminded how sometimes God seems silent and we just have to REMEMBER what He has already brought us out of and trust He will do it again. And as I reflected on what He has brought me out of I couldn't help but think of this picture.

As a teenager I thought I knew what I wanted for my life, what was best for me, and who I wanted to be. I asked for it often.

God said "No." (An unpopular decision at the time)

But that "NO" gave me this life.

This husband who adores his kids (and his lovely wife). Who wraps them in hugs and kisses and makes them laugh so hard they can't even sit still for a single photo.

These kids who bring so much joy to our lives. Who make us laugh. Who keep us guessing. Who show us love in the more sincere ways.


And DAILY I am thankful for God's "No"s and blurry photos.

a blue rest for mommy

When you talk to most any mom who is past the tired newborn stage, nap time is Mommy Time. But not just mommy time, it’s a mad dash to try and get everything done that you can before you hear the pitter patter of little feet coming down those stairs.

I was the same. It was a mad dash to try and work on the computer, do 300 loads of laundry, mop the floor (even though you KNEW snack time after rest would inevitably ruin all your work), and cook a somewhat edible dinner. WHEW.

And then the kids wake up, and you are exhausted. Enter scary-monster-impatient Mom.

I’ve been been praying for wisdom about stress and impatience, and I feel like God keeps telling me: ‘REST. You make your kids rest. You rest, ya big idiot.’

The past couple of days I have sent the kids to rest time and taken two, well deserved (if I do say so myself) hours for myself. I exercise, I take the time to make a healthy lunch, and then I read my Bible.

And, wouldn’t you know it, I feel better!

It’s two hours to do what I need to do FOR ME. It may look different for you. Maybe cleaning is relaxing for you (your husband must love that!). For me - cooking, cleaning - those are part of role staying home, but that doesn’t mean I can’t take a break. I mean, what job doesn’t allow a lunch break? Take a hot second and recalibrate, and then it’s back to it when that clock turns yellow.

pride, calamity, and isaiah 47

there is nothing wrong with working out and gyms, deadlifts and sumo squats. but there is a temptation to fall into pride and vanity. it's easy to get swept up into it all. and i have been pretty open with how i have attempted to keep myself accountable.

well, friends, i started to slip. a few weeks ago i found out i hadn't won this contest i entered. and i took it badly. i had gotten my hopes up, and i had really thought i had a good shot. and when i saw the list, and my name wasn't on it ... i felt unimportant. it felt like i wasn't "big enough" to get noticed and get picked. i cried, guys, like ugly crying. and i texted a few people who i knew wouldn't judge me and told them my feelings. even though i knew it was stupid. it was just a stupid contest.

i was reading my Bible that evening and asking God for something. a word. a picture. anything. i just wanted to hear from Him. and i read Isaiah 47. i don't think i will ever forget isaiah 47. because trust me, if you want a word from the Lord you do NOT want it to be isaiah 47. it predicts widowhood, loss of children, devastation, calamity, etc. etc. Yeah. NOT COOL, LORD.

but it was eye opening. it was about a prideful queen. and it seemed God was gently (ahem) telling me that pride was seeping in, and i needed to repent.

so i did. i asked for forgiveness, and wrote out a plan. i needed to take a break from PDF "public displays of fitness" because somewhere in my heart it was starting to become more about being validated by others and less about the original goal: make small changes to live a healthy life.

that's the goal.

this is not my career.

i have a sister who owns a gym. she's a professional athlete. she makes a career out of fitness and provides for her family from it. she busts her tail everyday training herself and other athletes. she works harder than almost any other mom i know. literally from sun up to sun down.

karena and katrina created this fitness company. they made a career out of TIU and provide for their families from it. they spend probably way more hours than a normal work day training themselves and creating videos to train others. they work harder than almost any other entrepreneurs i know. day after day after day.

i'm just a regular person trying to make small healthy changes to set a good example for my family. i want them to know their bodies are important. what you put into them is important and how you train them is important. our bodies are our vehicles that get us through life. and just like we take good care of our cars to keep them in working condition so we can get from place to place, our bodies should get nothing less.

but this is not my career.

'yeah, but missy, what is your career?' we'll tackle that another day, friends. i'm just too tired from all those sumo squats this morning.

the Perks of being a No One

I want to be really clear about my motives for why I post and what I post. Cause I get it. There's a huge temptation to judge each other, envy each other, or make assumptions about people from social media.

I have approximately 80 followers. I'm a nobody in the social media world. But that's the point. 

I'm a regular person. I have kids who I adore but regularly disappoint. I have a husband who is my favorite person and yet argue with about some of the dumbest things. I don't clean my bathroom (or pretty much any room) enough. And I eat at McDonalds way too often for a grown adult.

I'm not here to make myself look good. I don’t want you to think I’m better than you. I'm here to be real. I want other moms to know that anyone can make changes. Big changes. Small changes. Whichever you choose. It's possible. 

For me, healthy living doesn't mean always counting calories. The only thing I count everyday is how many poopy diapers I change (because my record is 12, people). My nutrition plan is eating less crap and eating more green stuff. That's pretty basic. 

It doesn't mean a life at the gym. My life is lived in my kitchen. I clean it. I cook in it. I eat in it. I teach from it. I dance around it. Sometimes I even work out in it (if my rooms are full of sleeping small people). My gym is a Rubbermaid container under my couch. It can't get much classier than that. 

I post about fitness because it has changed me. I feel better. I feel healthier. And I never thought I could do it. And I don't want any mom out there who feels like 'I just can't do that' to keep believing that lie. Even the smallest change will yield big results over time. 

I believe in you, mama!

And just remember, you burn more calories doing squats with a 2-year-old on your back. So, there's always that. 

Let Her Come: Bree's Baptism Story

In my life I haven't experienced a lot of crystal clear answers when I have prayed about something. More often than not, I feel quiet whispers of 'this is probably the way to go' but rarely do I hear "GO."

This past summer, we attended a baptism celebration at our church. Afterward, Bree had all kinds of questions about what it was, why we do it, and what it all means. More importantly, she wanted to know if she could do it. We answered her questions as they came, but we didn't bring it up again when it seemed to stop coming up. We wanted to wait until she was older, though we didn't tell her that at the time.

A couple months ago, she started asking again. We knew we had to take her seriously because we felt it could hurt her to think her faith didn't matter because she's young. So we decided to have her meet with a staff member at church, who we love and trust. She sat down with her and talked about baptism and the Gospel and Jesus.

Afterward, we spoke with the woman, and she confirmed what we were thinking. Bree obviously loves Jesus but doesn't quite have the vocabulary to really explain a lot of the "big questions" so she agreed (with Brent and I) that waiting is never a bad idea, but that it was our decision and the church would support us, either way. We had been thinking the same thing. She's really young. Let's wait. Give her time. ETC.

We told Bree our decision, and she was really upset. We told her to pray about it, and if she wanted us to reconsider, we could sit down with her again and talk to her about it. She wanted us to reconsider.

For weeks I prayed about it daily. I didn't want to keep her from a beautiful decision, but I still felt like she was too young to make such a big decision. I wrestled with it day in and day out.

On April 8, I was sitting in church during worship asking God to give me an answer. There was a baptism Sunday coming up, and I needed to hear from Him - LIKE NOW, GOD.

I kid you not: our pastor walked out onto the stage and had us open to Mark 10:13-16, and he began to read.

"People were bringing little children to Jesus for him to place his hands on them, but the disciples rebuked them. When Jesus saw this, he was indignant. He said to them, “Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these. Truly I tell you, anyone who will not receive the kingdom of God like a little child will never enter it.” And he took the children in his arms, placed his hands on them and blessed them."

Okay, God, I'm listening... You have my attention.

But then he moved on to Mark 17-31, and I am serious -- I have NO IDEA how that verse was related AT ALL to the rest of the sermon. It felt like God was speaking only to me. Like He had His hands on my face, looking me straight in the eyes, saying, "LET HER COME."

I haven't felt such a clear answer in a long time.

So Brent and I sat down with Bree after church and talked with her again. We asked her why she wanted to get baptized. We asked her to share the Gospel with us, and tell us about Jesus. Then I told her about how I had been praying and about how I felt God speaking to me at church through that story. And we told her it was her decision. And she just lit up. I mean, pure joy.

We know she loves Jesus. There isn't a doubt in our minds about that. She has since she was three. She tells everyone about Him. And she may not understand everything about her faith or about Jesus or about her relationship with Him, but who does? Whether you are seven or fifty-seven, do we ever really understand everything about Jesus and His love for us?

But she will learn, and we will teach her. And her growth won't make her decision any less real because she was young. If anything, I hope it shows her that you don't have to be a grown-up to get it. It's not an adult-only club. Jesus made that very clear: "Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them."

Since making the decision, she has already started changing lives. I have had multiple people tell me that she shared her decision with them and now they are having their own discussions in their families about baptism.

She was baptized on April 22nd, and I cried throughout the whole service. I didn't think it would be that emotional, but it was. I was just so overjoyed. I know God has something truly special planned for her life. I look at her, and I feel like I see a tiny-Abby-Heskett (And if you know who Abby Heskett is, you know that's a major compliment!), and I can't wait to see how God uses her life.

150 Gel Pens

AKA: My Fitness Journey

I really only had a vague plan when I started. After three kids, I was ready to lose all the baby weight. I had kept about an extra 5 pounds with each kid. I had never cared too much before because I knew I would just get pregnant again. So, why waste my time? (Not the right attitude, I know, but that's how I felt honestly). When we decided Elliot was our last, I thought, 'Alright. Time to get to work.'

But if you had asked me a year ago if I thought I'd be here now: Not. A. Chance.

See, I'm not new to the fitness world. I've tried it all. All the fads. Joining gyms. Taking classes. But I never stuck with anything longer than a month or so. Nothing seemed to fit.

And I don't know why God, all of the sudden, blessed me with self-discipline of steel after struggling with it for 31 years. But it started with reading my Bible. I got a set of 150 gel pens in the mail from my sister for my birthday last year. I had no idea what to do with them. What can you possibly do with 150 gel pens???

So I decided to try reading my Bible and doodling verses each day. And after a month, I will still doing it. Every day! (I know, I was shocked!).

So I thought -- if I can read my Bible every day, surely I can do a workout every day. A friend had been telling me about Tone It Up, and she invited me to do a workout challenge. So I did it. And I loved it!

So what does my fitness life look like? It's honestly probably the laziest fitness life you can imagine. Don't picture me hitting the gym every morning at 5am. That's not me. It works for other people, but not me.

I try to work out once a day. Sometimes it's 10 minutes. Sometimes it's 45. I watch TIU videos on YouTube (I am hoping to get their new App for my birthday! ... Subtle Message ... ahem ... Brent ... Mom ... Anyone?). I may do an arm video, legs, abs, HIIT, or booty. I may combine a couple. I may get an hour on an elliptical at the gym. I may get a class at the Y with friends (hooray for BodyPump girls and Plank Challenges!). I may swim a couple laps with the kids at the pool.

Every.Day.Is.Different.

So I have changed. A lot. And I don't know why God gave me this push or these desires ... but He did. And I feel good. And I feel strong. But I also feel balanced -- and when I don't feel balanced, I feel that too and I course-correct. There are definitely things I need to be careful of. I need to maintain my sense of modesty. I need to flee the temptation to become prideful or vain. I have a history of disordered eating, so I need to watch my diet and not try to take advantage of the weight loss and try to crash diet or make unhealthy choices. And I need to make sure my health stays in its place among my priorities. It should never be more important than my time with God, my family, or my calling. It's important, for sure, but not that important.

So I have a support system. I have key people in place that will tell me if I begin to slide into one of those temptations. And I humble myself to their wisdom, and I adjust. It's not easy, and sometimes it doesn't feel good to hear, but it keeps me safe and keeps my focus on what it should be on. I know they love me. And I know they just want what is best for me. Accountability is important.

Why share all this? It's not to promote myself or my TIU "program" because you don't have to do what I did. There's nothing special about my journey that can't be replicated by anyone else. It's going to look different, but that's the point. It should look different. It should suit you and be best for you. Maybe it's taking a walk everyday or doing 20 push-ups every morning or jumping on the trampoline with your kids instead of just watching from the sidelines. All it takes is little changes and time. That's what I did, and that's what I do. And you can definitely do it too. And I would love to chat about it if you have any questions!

Loneliness, Connecting, and Little Red Hearts

Social media can be a beautiful thing. It keeps us connected to people worlds away. But it can also stir up a whirlwind of jealousy, discontentment, and the compulsion to tell others everything you think, eat, wear, and do. So, when you aren't famous, why bother? I ask myself that sometimes. No one cares that you are wearing, yet again, another Disney shirt. We got it. You are a child. Here's the thing: being a stay at home mom can get lonely. Sure, I am surrounded by small people and lots of noise. But it's a different kind of lonely. There is a ton of emotional camaraderie in motherhood ... but there is a fair amount of physical isolation. I may not see my friend today, but when I see her post that her toddler just dumped an entire box of cheerios on the floor, I feel connected to her. I may not see my sister, but when I see a video of my nieces and nephews jumping into a pool, I feel like I'm there. And when I post a picture of our homeschool day, and my mom likes it, I feel like she's here. I don't feel alone. What about God, Missy? No, I know. God is here. I'm never alone. YadaYadaYada. But God created us to live in community for a reason. If it had been enough to know He was with us, Adam would have just stayed alone. But IT WAS GOOD for Adam to have a helper. It's awesome that God never leaves us, but it is good to have other people. Sometimes those people are physically with us, playing board games and eating flax-seed oatballs. Sometimes those people are emotionally with us, liking our post that we are down 10 pounds. So when you scroll down and see my post, know that I wish you were right there next to me (and you are welcome to stop by, anytime!). But if you can't be, I'll know you are cheering me on with one click of that little red heart.