As I sit down to a quiet lunch with Giselle, consisting of cold milk and a PBJ, it is anything but quiet in my head.
Since I have brought Bree home, I have consistently felt like I am doing a poor job as a mom.
Every minute of every day I am constantly wondering how I should be doing things, when I should be doing things, what I should and should not be doing. I Google every question. I poll every friend or relative I have. I research and research. I make lists. I read books. I pray, no I beg God for wisdom.
I love her so much. I want to do everything right for her.
I pretend like I have it all together, but each day I sit in her nursery, watch her sleep, and cry.
I don't know what I'm doing. I don't even know how you learn. I feel like I am doing everything wrong.
Naps. Bedtime. Nap routines. Bedtime routines. Pacifiers. Solid foods. Schedules. Swaddling. Rocking. Bouncing.
Everything I do seems inadequete except one ...
Nursing.
Nursing is the one thing I love to do, and I am good at doing. It is the only time during the day when she and I sit and enjoy each other - and I don't have any doubts. I know I am doing it right - and well. I love doing it, and I know she loves it.
So right now, I am hanging on to what I am good at to get me through this day.
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I just wanted you to know that I am praying for you, Missy! Being a new mom is so tough! You are doing a great job! God designed you to be Bree's mommy! It is great that you have all the support you do! It is normal to feel the way that you do too! One of my favorite verses (and has gotten me through a lot!) is Philipians 4:6-7. "Do not be anxious, but in everything with pray and petition present your requests to God. And the peace of God that passes all understanding will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus." I absolutely love the part about God's peace guarding my heart and my mind.
ReplyDeleteLove,
Krystal Martin