my St. Louis family

I've been really blessed to be a part of a wonderful church for four years now. I've been even more blessed to be a part of a thriving women's Bible study that has changed and adapted and grown for the past four years, as well.

We started as three ... three women who had been separated from another Bible study. But then we added ... and added ... and added to what has become more of a family than a Bible study. We've had people move away; we've had new people move in. We never stay the same for very long, and we love it.

We've had loss, and we've seen PLENTY of new life. Some are quiet. Some are crazy. Some make me laugh until I cry. Some always have deep and wise insight. We've been through really great times together and really hard times together. We truly are "doing life" together, and I couldn't be happier to be apart of their lives.

So - thanks. Thanks, God, for the blessing they are in my life. Thanks, ladies, for always be there and being awesome. Thanks, Brent, for pushing me into getting involved at church.



"They devoted themselves to the apostles’ teaching and to fellowship, to the breaking of bread and to prayer. All the believers were together and had everything in common. They sold property and possessions to give to anyone who had need. Every day they continued to meet together in the temple courts. They broke bread in their homes and ate together with glad and sincere hearts, praising God and enjoying the favor of all the people. And the Lord added to their number daily those who were being saved."

Acts 2:42-47

Showing My Age

At our FIRST white elephant party of the year, I got a taste of what "showing my age" feels like! We had the FCA kids over for our annual Christmas Party, and during the white elephant exchange someone opened up ... a season of PUNKY BREWSTER on DVD! The kids were laughing because they had NO idea who she was or what show it was, but Brent and I were dying to trade for it!

Obviously the kid was willing to give it up because he had never heard of it ... so we made out like bandits! We got rid of two BOXES of stuff (all my Paris themed decorations went to one person ... and a box of old cow themed stuff went to another) and gained a DVD, a toy for Giselle, and some Dora candy canes. AWESOME.

We are masters of this thing they call White Elephant.

Giselle vs. Cami

This post is dedicated to my dear friend Erin over at Shepards' Shananigans ...

Giselle's Diary (the Dog)

8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite thing!
9:30 am - Licking the man's milk bowl! My favorite thing!
9:40 am - Geocaching in the park! My favorite thing!
10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!
12:00 PM - Cookies! My favorite thing!
1:00 PM - Played in the yard with the squarrels! My favorite thing!
3:00 PM - Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!
5:00 PM - Dinner in front of the TV! My favorite thing!
7:00 PM - Got to play with my fishy! My favorite thing!
8:00 PM - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!
11:00 PM - Sleeping under the woman's snuggie! My favorite thing!

Cami's Diary (the Cat)

Day 983 of my captivity.

My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength. The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape.

In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet. Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates my capabilities. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a 'good little hunter' I am.

There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of 'allergies.' I must learn what this means, and how to use it to my advantage.

Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow, but at the top of the stairs.

I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges.

She is regularly released, and seems to be more than willing to return.

She is obviously stupid.

an Exciting Discovery with Doritos & Twilight

The baby has started to kick now so that we can feel it, which is so fun. I can't believe it took almost 6 months to start really feeling it! Brent had only slightly felt it one time, but last night I was on the couch watching Eclipse ... and she started kicking in a big way! So I called Brent over, and he got to feel it too. We were both really excited.

He was excited because he felt it. I was excited because I think it means she likes Twilight. It can't be a coincidence. It's either that ... or the Spicy Doritos I was eating ... hm ... I hadn't thought about that.

Either way, she likes something I like!

Driving Brent Crazy

Below is a repertoire of Giselle's nicknames that I most frequently use:

Giselley Welly
Welly Bear
Welly Welly Wellington
Miss Wellington
Wezzle Wezzle M'Nezzle
Pickle Head
Little Pookie Pie
Silly little Pumpkin-belly
Schnoodle
Schnoodle Bear
the Queen

a Very Veggie Christmas

I'm starting the Christmas season by watching my favorite Veggie Tales Christmas episodes. I don't know why dancing vegetables get me in the holiday spirit - but they do! It's a fun way to teach big Christmas lessons!

the Book of Judges

We just finished a sermon series on the book of Judges, which was very interesting (and very graphic there at the end). The "wrap-up" message yesterday was really thought-provoking for me. Basically, we summed up a term we'd been referring to since the beginning: "Canannized."

The idea of a nation/person becoming "Canannized" is: rather than transforming the culture around them, they are consumed by it, which is the direct opposite of what we are told to do in Romans 12:2.

And the 5 signs that warn of this "canannization"/spiritual decline are:

1. Failure of leadership/followship
2. Moral relativism (everyone does as they see fit)
3. Playing fast and loose with the truth (willingness to tolerate dishonesty)
4. Depending on self rather than God (asking God to bless our will, rather than asking for His)
5. Manipulating God to our own ends (bargaining with god, for example "You do this ... and then I will do that ...")

I thought that was a good list to reflect on because I know I am guilty a lot of the time breaking each of those. I never understood Judges or it's importance, but this final sermon was a good overview of the book. You should check Judges out and see what you find!

Warning: the final chapters are rated "M" for mature.

Hannah: a Portrait of Feminine Grace

We are studying 12 extraordinary women from the Bible, and this week the lesson was on Hannah. It was quite relevant and thought provoking to me. The biggest lesson I took from it was the idea that her influence as a godly wife and mother came from three specific areas: love for her husband, love for God, and love for her home.

Love for her husband:

"Contrary to popular opinion, the most important characteristic of a godly mother is not her relationship with her children. It is her love for her husband. The properly situated family has marriage at the center; families shouldn't revolve around the children." (p. 95, 12 Extraordinary Women)

I'm not a mom. Quite yet. But I've always believed that my husband should come first - before children. I have heard that it is a hard balance - as a mother - to find. But it does make sense. While this was a great passage from the book, the next was what I loved:

"All parents need to heed this lesson: what you communicate to your children through your marital relationship will stay with them for the rest of their lives. By watching how mother and father treat one another, they will learn the most fundamental lessons of life - love, self-sacrifice, integrity, virtue, sin, sympathy, compassion, understanding, and forgiveness." (p. 95, 12 Extraordinary Women)

Wow. Doesn't that seem a little daunting? Our kids will see mostly everything we do to/for each other. In part that's great because we dance around the house together, snuggle on the couch during movies, and eat dinner together every night. However, we also occasionally disagree, which sometimes leads to arguments. That will of course be fine -- but we have to remember that how we handle conflict will stay with our kids. How we talk to each other, how we treat each other - those things they will remember.

Being a wife and mother is no easy task, but it is probably the most fulfilling challenge I will complete in my life.

Loving Well, Part III

Luke 15:3-7 (NIV) "Then Jesus told them this parable: “Suppose one of you has a hundred sheep and loses one of them. Doesn’t he leave the ninety-nine in the open country and go after the lost sheep until he finds it? And when he finds it, he joyfully puts it on his shoulders and goes home. Then he calls his friends and neighbors together and says, ‘Rejoice with me; I have found my lost sheep.’ I tell you that in the same way there will be more rejoicing in heaven over one sinner who repents than over ninety-nine righteous persons who do not need to repent."

The hardest part of loving well, for me at least, is waiting. God is described many times in the new testament as different things waiting patiently (a shepherd, a father, a harvester, etc.). Part of loving well is learning when to wait patiently for God to do His job. Sometimes we try to tell people about Jesus because we love them and want them to know Him and life with Him ... but sometimes we are called to wait patiently.

It's so hard to believe/remember that God will not forget the people we love. He pursues people like a shepherd searches for even ONE sheep, and He rejoices at the the return of each.

Sometimes I do more harm than good when I try to do God's job. It's a hard truth to face, but sometimes I'm not the harvester. Sometimes I am just the planter or water-er. God will do what God will do. My challenge today in loving people is to remember that God loves them even more than I do. More than I can possibly imagine. So I trust that what He wishes will come to fruition - in His time. And I will prayer without ceasing until then.

I'll leave you with an encouraging parable.

The Lost Son
11 Jesus continued: “There was a man who had two sons. 12 The younger one said to his father, ‘Father, give me my share of the estate.’ So he divided his property between them.
13 “Not long after that, the younger son got together all he had, set off for a distant country and there squandered his wealth in wild living. 14 After he had spent everything, there was a severe famine in that whole country, and he began to be in need. 15 So he went and hired himself out to a citizen of that country, who sent him to his fields to feed pigs. 16 He longed to fill his stomach with the pods that the pigs were eating, but no one gave him anything.
17 “When he came to his senses, he said, ‘How many of my father’s hired servants have food to spare, and here I am starving to death! 18 I will set out and go back to my father and say to him: Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you. 19 I am no longer worthy to be called your son; make me like one of your hired servants.’ 20 So he got up and went to his father.
“But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion for him; he ran to his son, threw his arms around him and kissed him.
21 “The son said to him, ‘Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son.’
22 “But the father said to his servants, ‘Quick! Bring the best robe and put it on him. Put a ring on his finger and sandals on his feet. 23 Bring the fattened calf and kill it. Let’s have a feast and celebrate. 24 For this son of mine was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.’ So they began to celebrate.
...
28 “The older brother became angry and refused to go in. So his father went out and pleaded with him. 29 But he answered his father, ‘Look! All these years I’ve been slaving for you and never disobeyed your orders. Yet you never gave me even a young goat so I could celebrate with my friends. 30 But when this son of yours who has squandered your property with prostitutes comes home, you kill the fattened calf for him!’
31 “‘My son,’ the father said, ‘you are always with me, and everything I have is yours. 32 But we had to celebrate and be glad, because this brother of yours was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.’”

Loving Well, Part II

Matthew 25:34-40 (New International Version)
34 “Then the King will say to those on his right, ‘Come, you who are blessed by my Father; take your inheritance, the kingdom prepared for you since the creation of the world. 35 For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, 36 I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.’
37 “Then the righteous will answer him, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? 38 When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? 39 When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?’
40 “The King will reply, 'Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.’

Part of loving well is doing for "the least of these" (forgotten/overlooked people in society) what we would do for Jesus. What would happen in our world if every person who believed in Jesus treated others like they were Jesus?

How would you respond if someone (usually older) pulled out in front of you too slow? Now what would you do if Jesus pulled out in front of you too slow?

What if the person holding you up at the drive through was Jesus?

What if the homeless man on the street was Jesus?

What if the orphan bouncing around from foster home to foster home was Jesus?

Our world would be completely different if we loved others the way we say we love Jesus.

Brent had a great example of loving well this weekend. A guy from our neighborhood who is normally wandering around - asking Brent for money - was at Walmart. The guy asked Brent for money to buy something (some food item). So Brent offered to take him to get him food. So he drove him across the street to Arby's and got him a sandwich.

If that's not loving "the least of these," I don't know what is.

Loving Well, Part I

If you've read unChristian, you know the stats are not great when a survey was taken about Christians. In a survey of 440 people (age 16-29), only 16% said that "Christians consistently show love for other people." SIXTEEN percent. That's only 70 people out of 440 who think Christians are loving towards others.

That is SAD.

There are tons of verses in the Bible to challenge us in this weakness. I think I will just do a mini-series on the topic.

Genesis 12:2-3 (New International Version)

“I will make you into a great nation, and I will bless you; I will make your name great, and you will be a blessing. I will bless those who bless you, and whoever curses you I will curse; and all peoples on earth will be blessed through you.”

We are called to be a blessing to people, not a curse. Do the things we say and do to others bless their lives? Do we try to lift people up -- or bring them down? It's so easy to bring people down. It's almost natural, sadly. It has to be a constant thought in your mind - am I encouraging? Are people glad they talked to me about things? Do I lift them up?

Does that necessarily mean we don't tell people things that they might not like - no, I don't think so. The Bible says speak the truth -- IN LOVE. You can speak truth to people and still be a blessing to them.

It's a challenge to me, personally, to look at my words and actions and ask myself: Does my life bless others?

Ebb & Flow

I know it's normal to go through highs and lows spiritually, but I just feel a little distracted. I can't seem to get into reading (I know, shocking), blogging, crafting, and I just feel too tired at night to even spend time doing a devotion. I know it's just a self-discipline thing ... and I need to just do it. But it's just not happening.

Brent and I have had fun doing our thankfulness advent everyday, and I like that. I like verbalizing what I'm thankful for each day. But I need more -- and I know that.

So, just pray that I get back to it! It's Ebbing time!

Preparing for Motherhood

This is my desktop background at work ... just to prepare me for all aspects of motherhood. It's my beautiful niece, Sidney, being woken up from a nap.

Wednesday Wants ...

... for it to be Friday already so we can get home to visit family!

... to drink spiced apple cider in my Snuggie

... a good book to read

... Flamin' Hot Cheetos (weakness of the moment)

... Brent to have a great birthday

... a maternity clothes shopping spree!

An Extraordinary Woman?

We are starting a study in my Bible study on extraordinary women in the Bible. We are going to study Eve, Ruth, Anna, Mary and Martha, Mary Magdalene, Sarah, Hannah, the Samaritan woman, and Mary (Jesus's mama) - of course.

I think my desire for this study is to try and find out how I am important to God's plan and how He wants to use me - in the quietness of my own life - for His plans. Because sometimes I wish my life weren't so quiet ... but I hope to find out just how a quiet life can become really loud throughout the ages.

McDonalds

I don't know why, but I can't stop thinking about McDonalds. Isn't that weird how that happens? You see advertising everywhere and it literally creates cravings within you for those things! I wonder what would happen if they advertised the Bible and Jesus ... like they do McDonalds.

A perfect evening might include enjoying a nice big mac and fries during my devotion time. I can think of nothing better.

Ba da ba ba baa, I'm lovin' Him ...

Best Friends

Everyone had a best friend - I hope. That's the thing I miss most about childhood. Best friends. Kids get what friendship is all about. It's about spending time together. I think one of the closest relationships on earth is between two childhood friends. You did everything together. You shared everything. You knew everything about one another - and liked each other anyway. There was no jealousy. There was no envy. No gossip. It was about make-believe games or dressing up to play pretend. You cried together when you were scared and laughed together when you were happy. You called each other on the phone every day after school ... or, if you were lucky enough, just rode the bus home together and took it straight from there.

What happened to friendship as we got older (speaking specifically to female friendship, not dating or marriage)? We lost best friends and gained acquaintances. That's what happened. Our best friend got replaced by a busy schedule. We don't have time for deep relationships - or the energy for that matter. We have husbands to feed and children to raise ... there's no room for a best friend anymore.

Or is there? I think my greatest flaw is that I will always desire a best friend.

Because Calvin and Hobbes say it best ... "Things are never quite as scary when you've got a best friend."

Wednesday Wants ...

Things that sound really good:

Pumpkin Cheesecake

Fall weather (including, but not limited to: jeans, scarves, and long sleeve shirts)

A good massage

Reading a good book on the couch with a working fireplace (but first I will need to find a good book ... and a working fireplace)

Double Cheeseburgers and french fries (not unusual)

Naps

Pedicures

A Lightbulb

I've been thinking more and more about my time in Africa since I found out I was pregnant. I think it has opened my eyes a little to how God was working while we were there.

I had a lot of doubts about why things were being put in our path. I had no idea why God would keep us out of certain areas ... or keep us from activities that we had planned to do ... or not allow us to do anything risky. We were all prepared to face a little risk, but it seemed like God shut all the doors to anything like that.

And we didn't know why.

Now that I know I was pregnant the whole time, I feel a little at peace. God was protecting something I didn't even know needed protecting. How awesome of a God is that? I'm glad He knew.

So ... why mToto??? Because it means "baby/child" in Swahili ... and our baby is already a world traveler, yet still under the careful protection of God. I can only believe that God will have a special eye on mToto for the rest of his or her life.

Two Pink Lines

So ... as most of you know, the reason I haven't been blogging so much is that we recently found out that I am pregnant. We weren't going to tell a lot of people, so I decided to break from blogging until I could share the news.

The unOfficial Story of mToto:

... Back in July a teacher (who also goes to my church) came down and told me about a weird dream she had where I was pregnant. Well, at the time we were seeing doctors to get on fertility drugs because I was diagnosed with PCOS (webMD it if you want), which made it hard to get pregnant. So - naturally – I freaked and went home early and took a test … and it was negative.

I was semi-relieved because I was leaving for Africa the next week.

When I got home from Africa, Brent and I saw my OB about getting on Clomid and Progesterone. I was sleeping all the time, and I thought it was a serious case of jet lag. The day before we started our drug treatment, I had to take another test … and it was POSITIVE! So - I took it again. Positive again.

I forgot every cute thing I was going to do to tell Brent we were pregnant and just walked into the room holding a stick - I had just peed on - speechless.

I went to the doctor the next morning and told her I couldn't be more than 1-2 weeks along ... because I had just gotten home (and I had taken a test before I left that was negative). So we did an ultrasound ... and SURPRISE ... 6 1/2 weeks along.

So – it turns out – I was pregnant when she had that dream. I was pregnant in Africa. (My test had been a false negative.) And the jet lag I thought I had ... not jet lag.

I’m now 10 ½ weeks along … and everything is going great!

What do you believe?

"They want to be teachers of the law, but they do not know what they are talking about or what they so confidently affirm." 1 Timothy 1:6-7

We're doing lessons in FCA on something similar to this. The focus is debunking the myths of what it means to be a Christian.

We read this study that found most teenagers (and I would guess young adults) cannot clearly talk about their faith and what they believe. So we decided to start asking the kids - what is it that you believe? What does it mean to be a Christian? What's important to know? Are there any misconceptions floating around our culture?

For example:

I believe there is one God.

"You believe that there is one God. Good! Even the demons believe that — and shudder." James 2:19

I believe I can get to Heaven for being a good person.

"I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me." John 14:6

Prayer shows we have faith in God, and I pray for people all the time.

"What good is it, my brothers, if a man claims to have faith but has no deeds? Can such faith save him? Suppose a brother or sister is without clothes and daily food. If one of you says to him, "Go, I wish you well; keep warm and well fed," but does nothing about his physical needs, what good is it?" James 2:14-16


I'm sure you have heard many - if not all of these - before. Just something to consider ... do you know what you believe? It is part of the core message? Does it line up with scripture? Food for thought ...

Debunking Discipline

I was watching Bruce Almighty this weekend, and I was thinking about his whole perception of God at the beginning of the movie. “God is a mean kid sitting on an anthill with a magnifying glass, and I'm the ant. He could fix my life in five minutes if He wanted to, but he'd rather burn off my feelers and watch me squirm.”

I got to thinking that a lot of people believe that. A lot of people feel like ‘if God loved me, He should:

1. Give me everything I want
2. Not correct/discipline me.’

But we were talking about parenthood in church yesterday, and the pastor made a great point: is that how we treat our own children? Do we give them EVERYthing they want? Do we avoid correcting them or disciplining them?

No. So, I guess we don’t love our own kids because we correct them, discipline them, and choose what they should and should not have.

I think some important verses to debunk this way of thinking are the following:

Prov. 3:11-12: "My son, do not despise the LORD's discipline and do not resent his rebuke, because the LORD disciplines those he loves, as a father the son he delights in."

Prov. 13:24: "He who spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is careful to discipline him."

John 16:33: "I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world."

So, what does God do … if He loves us?

He gives us prayer to communicate with Him, scripture to guide us, the Holy Spirit to obey Him (because we can’t do it on our own), and a family of believers to encourage, train, and come along side us. And He disciplines us.

He doesn’t discipline us to demean us, to be harsh, or to be unloving. That is not what Godly discipline looks like. It is meant to sting – not scar. The goal of Godly discipline is this: “Endure hardship as discipline; God is treating you as sons. For what son is not disciplined by his father? If you are not disciplined (and everyone undergoes discipline), then you are illegitimate children and not true sons. Moreover, we have all had human fathers who disciplined us and we respected them for it. How much more should we submit to the Father of our spirits and live! Our fathers disciplined us for a little while as they thought best; but God disciplines us for our good, that we may share in his holiness (emphasis mine). No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it” (Hebrews 12:7-11).

On the Water

I've been thinking a lot about the story of Peter and Jesus where they are out on a stormy sea. Jesus gets out and starts walking on the water, so Peter thinks, "hey, I want to try that too!" But as Jesus calls to him, Peter looks down at the water. It's too much for him to bear. He sees the crashing waves, the deep water, probably an abundance of sea life beneath his feet. He starts to sink.

I feel like I am at a point right now where Jesus has called me out of the boat onto the water ... and either I can get scared about things I think I see, or I can trust Jesus. Chances are there will be days when I begin to sink, but right now I'm learning to trust Jesus and come to His call for me to follow Him out onto the raging sea.

Join me on the water. I'll be the one walking with Jesus with the duck floatie around my waist (I mean you still have to be careful). Someday soon, maybe I'll even shed the duckie.

Life with Short Hair

I feel like I’ve been living in two places. My mind and heart are in St. Louis … but my body is still in Kenya. I can’t seem to shake the desire to go to bed at 8pm and get up at 5am. I know it’s normal to feel the jet lag, but it is pretty annoying. Brent is trying to drag me off the couch to eat dinner every night, but I just stay … too tired to move.

I need to start drinking soda again to give myself some energy. Or Red Bull.

I do miss Coke from those old fashioned bottles. They just taste better. Brent didn’t give up drinking pop, so when he has one I smell it (yes, I literally inhale the delicious Coke fumes) and live vicariously through him.

Anyway, all random and useless information, but that’s all I’ve got right now.

Beautiful Sacrifice

I had been planning to donate my hair to Locks of Love for about two months now. I planned to wait until after Africa - so that I could just throw my hair into ponytails while I was there. Thursday I panicked. I was second guessing myself, making excuses about why I should wait, and on and on. Then I talked to my mom yesterday morning, and she encouraged me with what my original intention was.

I knew it would be a sacrifice. I liked my long hair, but I had this stirring that some little girl with cancer somewhere was excited to get a new wig - and they needed my hair to finish it up. So, against my every selfish, vain, thought ... I did it!!!

Living the Gospel

Today was my first day back to work. So many people were excited to hear about Africa. I didn't realize so many people knew about it, but people kept asking. I had tons of hard questions: what was the biggest thing you missed, what shocked you, what did you love most, what was the hardest?

It was actually great to think about those things. It's part of the process of coming home. I have so much rattling around in my heart that I need to find ways to get it out. So questions are perfect.

I think one of the biggest things I realized was that sometimes people expect you to do "really big things" on mission trips. Sometimes even the people going expect to do "really big things" and accept nothing less. If that is what happens, GREAT! Praise God.

But what if it doesn't? What if your peace rallies are cancelled because violence breaks out? What if you can't finish a dormitory because it's a huge job for a two-week trip? What then? Is your trip a waste?

I struggled at some points on the trip because I was upset that our plans were changing. The things we had planned to do were falling through. God was shutting doors. But we asked ourselves, "Okay, now what?"

We began doing little things: talking to people we meet at the markets, on the streets, in church; evangelizing to children and giving them a place to have fun, eat, and learn about God; helping a little boy get to hospital; cleaning a baby girl's wounded arm; laughing and playing with orphans.

I realized we were truly living out the Gospel. When Jesus came, He didn't come and do all this "big" stuff. He talked to a woman at a well, He healed a sick girl, He taught on a mountain top, He changed water into wine at a wedding. I bet the disciples were like, "Okay Jesus ... when are we going to get to the big, powerful stuff? When are we going to crush our oppressors and take back our cities?"

But Jesus was faithful in the little things. He found worth in doing the "small" jobs. He found joy in helping those who needed help or needed hope.

So, when I feel Satan telling me ... "You didn't do anything huge in Africa." I'll remember that it is the little things that can change people's lives ... and if I am faithful in the little things, God will give me more to do when the time is right.

Pray that I continue to uncover the feelings this trip stirred up.

Nakuru

Today was crazy! We woke and went to the Nakuru Park. It was really fun. The monkeys at the beginning were hilarious! They climb on your car, and they jump in your windows if they are open. If you have bags, they play with them or run away them if they can carry it. The animals were beautiful and it was cool with the truck top popped.

After the safari we drove an hour to Naishu to a hippo water park, and we took a boat ride to see hippos. That was actually REALLY scary, but it was cool. Then we took a little hike on the ground to see non-violent animals.

Then we BOOKED to Nairobi and made it in time for the YaYa market. We had 30 minutes to spend the rest of our money. It was insane. I was a crazy woman trying to spend all my shillings and get all my gifts for people. I got plenty.

We stopped at the "mall" and picked up something I had ordered for Brent. I got him an authentic Germany soccer jersey from the world cup this year with his name on the back. It looks awesome!!!

We had our last meal at the Java House, and it was delicious. At 11 pm, we boarded our plane and left Kenya around 11:45 that night. It was bittersweet. God is still opening my eyes to what I saw and experienced. It will take a lot of debriefing at home to get it all sorted out, but I am excited to start the process. I can't wait to get home to Brent and share stories and talk about it.

Thank you for your prayers. It was an awesome experience (one that I cannot fully discuss in blogging), and I hope you got a glimpse into my time there.

Asante sana, Mzungus!

Leaving

Today has been a long and hard day. We woke up early and delivered all our "stuff" to the right places (most of our clothes and books and toys went to Turkwel with Peter since we could not go). We said bye to the kids we met while evangelizing and bye to Peter (Joe's other brother) and his kids, and we headed to Koytumo.

The chicken house is 98% finished! They just need some chicks, which will be delivered after we have gone.

We gave out all our clothes to the orphans in Koytumo. I gave out all the dresses we (my Bible study) had made, and they were adorable.

The hardest part was leaving Esther. None of us were really prepared for how that would feel ... and it was so sad. We all said bye, got in the car, and she bawled. We bawled too. They called us as we drove to Nakuru (5.5 hours) and said she was playing with the kids. It's going to be hard for her to adjust back. She's used to showers, brushing her teeth, McDonald's ... and it's back to Kenyan life now. But we all know God has an amazing plan for her life.

We drove to Nakuru and stopped at the EQUATOR. It was awesome. I was in both hemispheres at once! We all got our pictures taken, and I bought an equator plate. It was cool.

We are staying at the Amani Guest House, and we had dinner at the Merican Hotel (pretty good food and lots of Mzungus - white people).

We talked about whether we are ready to go home or could stay longer, and I could definitely stay another week. I miss Brent - but how many times are you in Africa?

I am resting up for our fun safari (actual safari) tomorrow.

Lord, thank You for this trip. Please continue to change my heart. Please don't let me remain unaffected.

Koytumo

Today was a good day. We slept in a bit after we all had a rough night. We prayed for God to open doors and set off for Koytumo. We played with the kids. Obi (Joe's famous brother who is a newscaster in Kenya) interviewed Karen and Timothy about little Esther (the whole situation with her). We worked on more child sponsorships, too. Then we drove around Kitale and literally called children to us to evangelize. We have learned a lot of Swahili, so it was fun talking to the kids a bit.

We had a couple groups of kids. We played games with them, shared the Gospel message (by using the colors), and then put Gospel bracelets on them and let them play with a Gospel soccer ball (a ball with the Gospel colors all over it). They LOVE soccer here. Then we gave them white bread (a true treat).

It was really cool, and we would have missed this if we had gone to Turkwel.

Tomorrow is the day we are leaving Esther in Koytumo with Andrew and Sarah. I can't even imagine how that is going to look or feel. Lord, please give us peace and protect Esther.

I'm still trying to reflect and think about what life is going to be like back home. I don't want to come home unchanged - unaffected.

Lord, please change my heart to be better for You. I want to be most thankful, more selfless, less material, and more ...something else that God has yet to reveal.

Lord, open my eyes to my blessings. Open my mouth to praise You more. Open my ears to hear you more.

Goat Slaughter in Koytumo

Today, against my better judgement, I watched a goat slaughtered for dinner. Chicken Nuggets was the bravest little guy. It is a true African experience to be a part of the slaughtering of dinner, and I wanted to get past my own "American" way of thinking and try to get into the culture a little.

So I watched a little, and it was horrifying. But I made it through and I even tried a little of the goat after they cooked it all up that night.

We taught the kids how to roast marshmallows. We tried to do S'mores - but they don't have chocolate bars or graham crackers in Kenya. So we just did marshmallows. The kids loved being a part of MAKING the meal ... because they usually aren't. They loved roasting them.

The stars here are beautiful at night. There are no lights, so everything is so clear. It's amazing. I wish I could bottle it up and bring it home - or capture it on film ... but I can't.

We found out today that our trip to Turkwel has been cancelled. Violence broke out. They haven't seen violence since 2005 when Get the Word Out was first there! But a Turkana stole a Pikot cow ... and then later when they found out that the Turkana's voted YES and the Pikot voted NO in the consitution election, violence broke out and a Pikot killed a Turkana.

We aren't sure when the Turkana will retaliate, but we know the will. So, we cannot go.

It was a hard thing to hear. We had been looking forward to that so much. We were all sad, frustrated, and very disappointed. But we trust God has a plan.

Rain Out

Today was a rain out. We are spending the day resting up for Thursday - Monday because it will be tiring.

We ate at the Kitale Club - well, I chatted because I wasn't hungry for lunch. Then we hunted for monkeys to no avail.

We came back to the guesthouse for the evening and some of us took a hike around the property. I think Brent would be proud of all the hiking I am doing.

I did get to call Brent once. That was awesome.

Kara Pakot, Kase, & Kasaka

Today was a long day, full of spiritual warfare. We drove on the worst road in Kenya (literally) for 3.5 hours to get to Kase to see Dorkus and all her orphans. Our plan was to bring her and all the orphans to Andrew and Sara's in Koytumo because of an unfortunate situation with Dorkus's husband (which I will not go into here). However, we got there and she had not contacted the government yet to let them know we were taking them - so we couldn't do it. It would look like we were "stealing" them to the surrounding community because unfortunately people do not side with the women in situations like this.

We found a little girl who had been burned when she fell into a fire, and her hand had not been taken care of. Big Esther (there's also a little Esther and a baby Esther) cleaned and dressed it. So it was a good thing we were there. It would have been infected soon. We also met a boy with Malaria - and all he needed was a ride to the hospital in the city. So we squished he and his dad into our truck on the way home.

Then we drove 45 minutes up a mountain "path" (NOT ROAD) to get to where little Esther's dad lives. We parked and walked about a mile up the mountain and met her family (dad, grandma, grandpa, sisters, uncles). They were so excited to see her, but they hadn't been told we were coming so they were upset that we could not stay the night. They wanted to have a celebration to thank us for taking Esther to the states for cancer treatment and bringing her back.

INSTEAD, they gave Esther a goat to take with us to eat. He's adorable. We named him Chicken Nuggets since we were going to be eating him soon - not me, I don't eat things I've met.

After that, we took our goat and headed back down to Kase. We had dinner there and worked on the sponsorship kids here (interviews and pictures), and then drove back around midnight on the bumpy road again.

Kapeguria, Kitale, Koytumo, West Pokot

We had prayed and decided to go to Uganda today, but God closed the door this morning. The road is blocked off. It took someone SEVEN hours to get 10 miles. That is insane. So today we are off to see the kids again.

We painted nails - even the boys wanted their nails painted here. Gender stereotypes are like zero. Boys wear pink shirts, shoes, etc - anything they have because they don't have much.

My big project is still working with the child sponsorship program. We interviewed all the kids in the program, took pictures, and gave them pretty handmade bracelets at the end of their turn. It was a joy to be there today.

In Kitale, we had a chance to stop at an Internet cafe to send an email home. We also shopped at the "African Walmart" (Gigamart), and it was crazy. Ten times crazier than Walmart.

I am missing Brent a lot, but the experience has been amazing so far.

We're back at Richard's (Miss Timmy's) for dinner. He has like 100 dogs and cats - plus the puppies.

We went to a candle shop today too where these women showed us how they make candles from bees wax. They make silk products too. The organization's proceeds go to the education and empowerment of women. It was called "Cabesi" in West Pokot. I got candles for all my sponsors and organic honey for my organic sister.

Lord, allow me to sleep well tonight and be rested for our "safari" tomorrow to Kara Pokot (a LONG way away). Thank you.

Koytumo Church Day

Thoughts from the sermon:
-our prayers reveal how great we think God is
-are we praying for something only God can do? Sometimes He says: no, yes, not now, or be patient, but He always answers us.

Today was long but amazing. We went to Joe's church and everyone was very welcoming. We all went to the front and told about ourselves and why we had come.

The kids were the best part of the day. They were amazing. They all welcome you and come up and shake your hard and say "Jambo!"

We took a ton of pictures today. I am taking pictures of each kid for the sponsorship program. That is one of the big projects I am doing here.

The kids crowded around for candy and pictures (they always wanted to take the pictures). They are all so grateful. They also automatically share with each other. One kid got two pixie sticks and automatically turned and gave one to his littler sister.

Although they live in poverty, I sometimes think they have a lot more wealth than a lot of Americans. Sometimes I feel like I'm the poor one, learning things from them. It's so simple here. It's not complicated with a drive for success and technology and busy-ness. It's all about family, working hard, and living life. I wish we were called to live here.

I need to start thinking now how I will let this trip change me. I want to know specific ways that I will be different after this "safari" (journey).

Lord, please open my eyes and heart to see you and how you want to use me on this trip. Show me what you want and what you want me to do - and change when I go home.

One thing is not letting the busy-ness of live get to me. I want my heart to be on Kenya time.

One thing that shocked me was my interpretation of "orphanage" because it doesn't mean a house for orphans. There is no "house" because there is no building where they all play, eat, and sleep. They all just go off during the day - and do whatever they want to and then come back at night if they want to sleep around in the area. Some sleep together in small beds, some sleep on dirt floors, etc. I guess when we used to term "orphanage" it is just a way to wrap our minds around the situation = two people caring for lots of homeless orphans.

Kapeguria

One thing I never realized that I'd miss ... roads. The "one and a half" hour trip from the airport in Eldoret to here ended up being three very bumpy hours. I'm glad Brent wasn't here. He would have been tossing his cookies the whole way.

We saw a lot on the drive: "shanty" type towns, a lot of donkeys and pigs on the side of the road, and alot more crazy driving (even at night in the rain). I felt like I prayed 100 times for God to protect us in the truck.

We arrived here at "Miss Timmy's" (our guest house and station for the next two weeks) and had a great dinner. The accommodations are a lot better than I thought they'd be. We sleep on small, thin beds. We eat good English (like from England) food because the guy who owns this place is English. I think the only difference is the mosquito nets on our beds ... and the bathrooms.

We also met a litter of puppies here. They're adorable!

Still miss Brent.

Nairobi

Devotion: Acts 1

-will be witnesses, sent to the end of the earth
-will receive power
-continual worship of God
-power comes from obedience
-how is God going to use me as a witness here - at the ends of the earth?
-look for opportunities to be a good witness
-Matt. 24:30-31; Mark 3:21; John 7:5; Luke 24:45; John 19:30; Eph. 2:4-7; Col. 3:1-4; Heb. 7:25

We just left the market. Wow. People are all shouting at you to "promote" them (buy their stuff). You haggle for everything. A little girl waved at me with a big smile and touched my skin - maybe because she doesn't see many white people. It was a really intimidating experience. People would insist on showing you other stuff, so they grab your arm to lead you away. They stand really close to you, and everyone loves America because of Obama. They will trade anything. Lots of people wanted my Bic pen.

Another thing is "Kenyan time." They don't have it. It doesn't matter to them. If we are supposed to leave at 8, we leave at 10:30. One guy had a shirt that said: "I'm not lazy. I'm Kenyan." Awesome.

Nairobi

We've been on planes and in airports for 24+ hours, but we're finally here. Our first night was spent here at the Methodist Guest House in Nairobi. The first thing I noticed when I arrived in Kenya and stepped outside was the smell. It smells like summer camp - or camping in general.

The driving is crazy, but they seem to know what they are doing. Even at a "hotel" of sorts, we can't drink the water or eat anything uncooked (like fresh vegetables, etc). I brush my teeth with bottled water and shower with my eyes and mouth shut tight. I already miss Brent, and I wish here were here with me. But I know God has a plan for me here.

Tomorrow, it's time to start finding out what it is.

Lord, thank you for your protection. Please continue to be with me.

Kenya Trip Preparation

I leave for Africa in two days. It's hard to believe it's finally here. I'm packing and going crazy about what to bring and what not to bring, but I trust that it will all work out. God please prepare my heart for this trip.

Spiritual Warfare Solution

I leave for Africa next week, and I am starting to feel this cloud of spiritual warfare around me. I can't explain it - and maybe you don't believe in that kind of thing. But it is kind of like a fog. A dark fog that smells really bad. I was told it would happen. I was told to prepare for it. But how do prepare for an invisible attack?

So I was sitting on my living room floor tonight with my head on the couch just praying and thinking ... and Giselle came and sat down next to me and put her paw over my arms and then laid her head down on my bowed head.

I felt completely at peace. Like God Himself had jumped into Giselle's body and laid down right next to me. And I realized something ...

Italian Greyhounds are a miniature weapon against spiritual warfare.

They will not only stick by your side when the good times roll, but they will also curl up right there with you in your foggy stink.

9 Days until this MACKEY's in Africa

M - Monkeys.

I learned they are a part of everyday life in Africa. I get a locked sleeping bag to keep the monkey's out. I never thought I would need a lock to keep monkeys out. I never thought a lock would keep monkeys out. Don't they have little hands, like us?

A - Anti-Malaria meds.

It's like a party in your mouth once a day. They make you throw up if you don't have enough in your stomach. Delicious. That's something I am looking forward to.

C - Calling Home.

Probably not gonna happen. Hopefully I will be able to email Brent once to have him get the word out (no pun intended) that I've arrived safely. I'm very thankful that my brother has said he will be keeping an eye on me while I am there. Brothers are awesome.

K - Killer lions.

When asked by my sister-in-law what the most dangerous bug in Africa is, I responded, "Lions."

E - Eating.

We will be devouring granola bars like they are going out of style. When I return, I will probably never want to see another granola bar. My sister says it's either that ... or bugs. Want some advice? Buy stock in Nutrigrain.

Y - Youth.

Seeing the children in Africa will still make everything worth it. Lions and monkeys and Malaria - oh my. Seeing these kids' faces light up will be the best part of this trip. I can't wait to see what God will do with this trip.

"Welcome to the Nest" Baby Shower!

The Cake & Nest Cookies

Birdhouse favors & Placemats for Guests!

Painting birdhouses

Birdie cutouts!

Birdie Banner!

Feather Wreath

Giselle's baby shower outfit!

A New Spin on the Lion’s Den

I had one of those light bulb moments this morning during my Daniel study. I was reading through Daniel chapter six (the story of Daniel in the Lion’s den) for the fifth time this week, and something clicked.

This isn’t just a story of Daniel trusting in God and being saved from some hungry lions. This is God’s way of showing the people His heart and what His plans were. It happened – but it is also an allegory of Jesus and His life. Darius is God. Daniel is Jesus. The satraps and administrators are Pharisees, Sadducees, regular people, etc. Follow me here.

Darius appoints these satraps and 3 administrators to power. Daniel is one of the three, and he does such a good job that Darius “planned to set him over the whole kingdom” (v.3). So the satraps and administrators get jealous. They “tried to find grounds for charges against Daniel in his conduct of governmental affairs, but they were unable to do so.” (v.4) Finally, they figure out their only hope is to make up some charge against him having to do with “the law of his God.” (v.5)

Sounding familiar at all??

When Daniel finds out about this law that Darius has passed saying he can’t pray to God, he continues to pray “just as he had done before.” (v.10) He gets told on by the satraps and other administrators, and they tell Darius, ‘you have to do something. This law cannot be repealed.’

This is the part that gets me: “When the king heard this, he was greatly distressed; he was determined to rescue Daniel and made every effort until sundown to save him.” (v.14)

If you aren’t catching on by now … that should have done it. Just like Darius, God was distressed to have to punish us for disobeying Him. He was determined to rescue us – at every effort (even sacrificing His son!), any cost.

So just like Darius had to throw Daniel into the lion’s den, God threw Jesus into the lion’s den (metaphorically). A stone was even placed over the mouth of the den Daniel was in (like Jesus’ tomb), and at first light, the king came to the lion’s den (like the women who visited Jesus). He finds Daniel … and this is what he says:

“My God sent his angel, and he shut the mouth of the lions. They have not hurt me, because I was found innocent in his sight. Nor have I ever done any wrong before you, O king.” (v.22)

Don’t miss that. He was innocent, having done no wrong. He conquered death.

This story is more than lions … it’s another example where God is shaking us saying, “do you get it??” Jesus died for us because God didn’t want to punish us. God made every attempt to rescue us from our ‘lions’ and our ‘pit’ by throwing His own son to them. He was determined to make a way for us to be able to get back to Him.

A Healthy Snack

Brent and I are trying to watch what we eat ...

A Call for Realism

Let’s face it. We’re pretty fake as a general population. People criticize the church/Christians a lot because people go to church with a smile and act like things are all perfect and great and roses. Very Pleasantville-ish. The truth is none of us are there because we have it all together – so there is no point in pretending we do.

Does that mean we have to be a Debbie-Downer all the time, or we need to tell everyone all our business? Of course not. But you know there are times when someone you are close to asks how you are doing and you reply, ‘I’m fine, how are you?’ or ‘I’m great, how are you?’

Why is that?

Why is it so hard to say what’s really going on? “Well, I’m struggling with ____, and I could definitely use some prayer. But I’m doing okay otherwise!”

The devil has such a stronghold on people, including me, in this area. He whispers lies that no one needs to know these things that are troubling us or tiring us or stressing us out. He tells us that we shouldn’t burden others with our problems. We can handle things on our own. We will forget about it if we just give it time. People will think we are complaining too much. People will think we don’t trust God or have enough faith to get through the hard times. Lies, lies, lies.

Christ is three in one. We were made in His image. We were built for relationship, companionship, fellowship. We were created to work together, to walk this life side by side, to share the load, to carry each other’s burdens, to pray for each other. When we hold on to things that hinder our relationship with God, we are also hindering our relationship with others. Vulnerability breeds vulnerability. Open hearts lead to more open relationships.

We stand in the way of that when we shut people out, when we wear a mask of perfection and togetherness.

No one has it all together.

I pray that today you and I both trust someone enough to say, ‘Ok, here it is. Here is what’s going on. Please pray for me. WHEW (deep sigh of relief).’

I don't know about you, but that is the kind of relationships I want.

The Massacre of Mr. Fish

This is not for the faint of heart ...

This is what I came home to find ...

Another prey falls victim to its predator.
Poor Mr. Fish

Weary? Get Yoked with Jesus.

"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."
Matthew 11: 28-31

I didn't know this ... but a yoke is that thing oxen wear to plow. Farmers put them on to teach them and guide them so they don’t get distracted and walk off the plowing path.

When two are yoked their heads are both together, and they have to learn to walk together and stay on the path … So I figure if we are yoked with Christ, He’ll walk next to us and keep us on the path – even when we get distracted and want to stray.

It also says His yoke is easy ... meaning maybe following Him is easy if you let Him be the guide. If we take HIS yoke upon us ... and not try to put OUR yoke on to Him.

I don't know about you, but I'm feeling the need to get yoked up with Christ these days.

Africa Praise!

God is so good!

My third, and final, deposit for Africa is due Thursday.

Today I received gifts from three people that took me up to the exact amount I needed for the deposit.

Now, tell me that's not a total 'God thing' ...

Thank you to all who honored God's stirring in them to give. I cannot wait to bring back stories of what He's doing in Kenya. Please pray for me as I continue to prepare!

Becoming More: In my Struggles

What does that look like?

There are two big things I learned throughout this past week of lessons.

1. I must praise God with thanksgiving - despite my circumstance. No, that doesn’t mean I walk around saying “Praise God for this car wreck! Praise God for this disease!” I’m not talking about fake praise. That is what makes Christians look crazy. I’m talking about real, genuine praise of God – not our circumstance: “God, circumstances change, but I praise You because You never do. God, I praise You for never leaving me. I praise You that You are with me in this moment and You stand in my tomorrow, as well.” And … what happens when we are thankful?

2. Thanksgiving moves the heart of God.

Let’s take Daniel, for instance. Everyone knows the story of Daniel in the lion’s den. You probably had a felt board with the pictures of it at every Sunday school you ever attended. I know I did. But usually we jump from Daniel disobeying the king/obeying God to being thrown in the lion’s den (because the “point” of the story is that God protects those who obey Him). But is that the point? I think we miss a huge part of the story if we gaze past one key part. Daniel was arrested for praying to God when he knew he wasn’t allowed to, and it would get him into trouble. Still he prayed … but WHAT did he pray? It says:

"10 Now when Daniel learned that the decree had been published, he went home to his upstairs room where the windows opened toward Jerusalem. Three times a day he got down on his knees and prayed, giving thanks to his God, just as he had done before."

Did you catch that? Giving thanks to God, JUST AS HE HAD DONE BEFORE! Even though his circumstance changed, he remained thankful and praised God.

Maybe you are more a fan of Jonah. I can work with that. Jonah was in the belly of a fish for disobeying God. This wasn’t like a fish condo. It was an intestine – full of digested food … Still Jonah prayed to God … but WHAT did he pray? It says:

"9 But I, with a song of thanksgiving, will sacrifice to you. What I have vowed I will make good. Salvation comes from the LORD."

With a song of thanksgiving! His circumstance definitely changed, but he remained thankful and praised God. Then God had him vomited out of the fish. Talk about moving the heart of God.

When the struggles come, I want God to intervene. I want Him to block my natural response/reaction. I want to praise Him and be thankful – DESPITE my circumstance at the moment - and watch as God's heart is moved.

The Shack: An Excerpt on Judgement

Although I wouldn't say I recommend everyone reading The Shack , I think those with a discerning heart (able to separate the truth in God's word versus the opinions of an author) would probably be okay with it. I did find one passage very interesting. It created a great picture in my head, and I wanted to share it.

To set the scene, the main character is telling God that He should punish all "bad" people. His daughter was kidnapped and murdered, and he thinks God should send any people "like that" to ... you know, the hot place. He even says God is to blame for what happened to his daughter. So we pick up there:

"Then," she said with finality, "if you are able to judge God so easily, then you can certainly judge the world." Again she spoke without emotion. "You must choose two of your children to spend eternity in God's new heavens and new earth, but only two."

"What?" he erupted, turning to her in disbelief.

"And you must choose three of your children to spend an eternity in h***."

Mack couldn't believe what he was hearing and started to panic.

"Mackenzie." Her voice now came as calm and wonderful as first he heard it. "I am only asking you to do something that you believe God does. He knows every person ever conceived, and He knows them so much deeper and clearer than you will ever know your own children. He loves each one according to His knowledge of the being of that son or daughter. You believe He will condemn most to an eternity of torment, away from His presence and apart from His love. Is that not true?"

"I suppose I do. I've just never thought about it like this." He was stumbling over his words in his shock. "I just assumed that somehow God could do that. Talking about h*** was always sort of an abstract conversation, not about anyone that I truly ..." Mack hesitated, realizing that what he was about to say would sound ugly, "not about anyone that I truly care about."

"So you suppose, then, that God does this easily, but you cannot? Come now, Mackenzie. Which three of your five children will you sentence to h***? Katie is struggling with you the most right now. She treats you badly and has said hurtful things to you. Perhaps she is the first and most logical choice. What about her? You are the judge, Mackenzie, and you must choose.”

“I don’t want to be the judge,” he said, standing up. Mack’s mind was racing. This couldn’t be real. How could God ask him to choose among his own children? There was no way he could sentence Katie, or any of his children, to an eternity in h*** just because she had sinned against him. Even if Katie or Josh or Jon or Tyler committed some heinous crime, he still wouldn’t do it. He couldn’t! For him, it wasn’t about their performance; it was about his love for them.

“I can’t do this.”

“You must.”

“I can’t. I can’t. I won’t!” he screamed. The woman just stood there waiting. Finally he looked at her, pleading with her eyes. “Could I go instead? If you need someone to torture for eternity, I’ll go in their place. Would that work? Could I do that?” He fell at her feet, crying and begging now. “Please let me go for my children, please, I would be happy to … Please, I am begging you. Please… Please…”

“Mackenzie, Mackenzie,” she whispered … “Now you sound like Jesus. You have judged well. You have judged them worthy of love, even if it cost you everything. That is how [God] loves.”

Becoming More: In my Relationships

I learned two really great things that are essential in having richer, deeper friendships.

Unharnessed thoughts (insecurity, jealousy, temptation): God’s Word should be a regular part of day – for good reason. I can fill my thoughts with His truths to combat the lies tangled around my feelings – and insecurities. “Too many of us live with an uncontrolled thought life.” How true is that? So often I use that excuse: “I can’t help what I think about.”

The Bible is like our pop-up blocker. You can’t help what pops up when you open a website - just like you can’t stop what thoughts pop into your heard - but the blocker gets most of it … and what does get past it, you can close it as soon as it does. I can automatically think of a truth to combat whatever lie pops up … or I can redirect my thoughts to something else … or I can start singing a song in my head like This Little Light of Mine (WHATEVER works!).

Careless words (judgment, gossip, slander): This was the best part of the whole weeks’ lessons. I learned how truly priceless a friend is who guards her words. And I learned that I need to BE the friend that I so desperately want. I need to be a woman of carefully chosen words … because what comes out of our mouths is a true sign of who we are, who we serve, and what we really believe.

I could write a book on careless words … but I will settle with that little tidbit for now. I’ll save my thoughts and encourage you to take this study if you want more – or ask me questions.

Revisit, Revive

Update on Kenya projects and ways to get involved!

1. The Esther House Project - Esther is just one of the more than 40 orphans who are being taken care of by Christian families in Kapenguria, Kenya. They have no place to sleep but the hard ground, and very little to eat. Esther has given us a clearer picture of the need for orphans like her. She has inspired and motivated us. We now have the opportunity to provide a home for these children! God has opened a door and given us a vision. Phase I is the construction of 2 dormitories – one for boys and one for girls.

2. Hen House/Chicken Project – A great opportunity to establish a sustainability project, we’ll be constructing and filling a hen house for 500 chicks. These chicks will grow and provide eggs not only for the children housed in the Esther House, but also as income – selling the eggs! For $1.50 you can buy a chick – the house for 500 will cost $4,000.

3. Child Sponsorship Program - Over 70 children are now being sponsored - it is possible for each and every child to be connected to someone here in the US who has the willingness and the ability to be a sponsor. We are witnesses to the joy and tremendous growth in the children whose lives have been changed by child sponsors. We’ll be bringing back photos and reports when we visit. Please pray about being a sponsor to one of these children for only $25 per month. For every child sponsored, a life is changed forever!

A Daily Battle II

I found this quote, and I love it. It calls me out and reminds me of the Bible's importance in my life:

"It's hard to over-estimate the importance of reading and studying the Bible. God's Word is our source of spiritual nourishment, our light in the midst of a dark world, our mirror to see what needs to be corrected in our lives. And yet, it is so easy to let other things get in the day and interrupt time we have wanted to dedicate to Bible reading."

"Oh, how I love Your law! It is my meditation all the day."
Psalm 119:97

Becoming More: In my walk

When David was handpicked by God to become King, I assumed he would be sent right away to take his place. But that wasn’t true. God anointed David … and then sent him back to the fields that He found him in. David went back to being a shepherd, even though he knew he was going to be a king! He didn’t know when … but he waited patiently. He had faith that God was using his time as a shepherd to prepare him for whatever he was going to do.

And, surely enough, when no one wanted to face Goliath, David stepped up. King Saul was disappointed that a young, shepherd boy was wanting to fight Goliath but David appealed to him, “Your servant has been keeping his father's sheep. When a lion or a bear came and carried off a sheep from the flock, I went after it, struck it and rescued the sheep from its mouth. When it turned on me, I seized it by its hair, struck it and killed it. Your servant has killed both the lion and the bear; this uncircumcised Philistine will be like one of them … The LORD who delivered me from the paw of the lion and the paw of the bear will deliver me from the hand of this Philistine." (1 Samuel 17:34-37).

God had used that time to prepare David. David was a boy, a child.

So how come he seems to have been more together than me?

Jesus is another prime example. He came into our world as the King, the Messiah. But He lived life as a common carpenter. God, the Creator of the universe, led a common life until he was thirty years old.

For thirty years, Jesus waited.

If either were like us, they would have been complaining the whole time about how they wanted to be in the "next stage” of life – living for tomorrow, dreaming about the future. But they didn’t. Both knew God had a plan for where they were – a reason for what they were doing. Even if it is tending sheep - or making tables.

For me, becoming more in my walk with God is developing a trusting patience. A knowing that God has put me where He wants me. My job is to pursue Him and His will where I am at … and try to learn what is set before me. I will probably need it for what might be coming next. That means reading my Bible, learning about Him through prayer and petition, and developing our relationship.

A Daily Battle

“A daily battle is being fought for our attention and our devotion.”

This was written in my study today in Becoming More, and it really stirred my little heart.

I’ve always struggled with spending time in God’s word daily. I would do it for a while, and then it would start to feel obligatory. So I would stop. But the thing is, a DAILY battle is being fought for my attention. And my devotion. So if I am not DAILY in God’s word, or at least meeting with God in prayer, He has lost for that day. And that seems wrong to me.

I will spend my day doing a whole lot of things – and those things aren’t bad – but when zero of my attention has gone to God, something is wrong.

One woman put it the struggle this way, “the duty of devotion rather than the desire: I still feel that it’s important to spend that time with God daily. Sometimes the emotions are just not there, but we still need to obey and do it. I do not always feel giddy-in-love with my husband, but I commit to loving him and acting respectfully [daily]. It’s a decision to love.”

Intro to Bible Biology

This week my lessons in Becoming more are discussing how to read the Bible. It taught me this great way to look at passages - where you slice it up and dissect it! So - as an exercise in humility - I will try it publicly. We'll start with my life verse:

"I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world." John 16:33

'I have told you' ... He didn't say I am telling you. He said I HAVE told you: meaning I am telling you AGAIN. God is reassuring. God knows we just don't get it ... unless we hear it 100 times. So he is telling us, again.

'these things' ... He said in the earlier passage that "a time is coming, and has come, when you will be scattered, each to his own home ..."

'SO THAT' ... Here is where he grabs our shoulders and shakes us (figuratively), meaning listen up! This is what you need to know:

'in me you may have peace' ... He specifically says IN ME. We can't find peace in anything else. Not in relaxation techniques, hot bubble baths, McDonalds Happy Meals. Nothing will bring true peace besides Christ. He is telling us that so that we get it through our thick skulls: WE NEED HIM.

'In this world' ... I think this alludes to our world being an exception. Heaven is going to be a different place. In this world things are not the way God intended. But another world is waiting in the wings.

'you will have trouble' ... That's a promise you can take to the bank. You will have trouble. Not maybe, not possibly, not a slight chance - you WILL.

'But take heart' ... God always offer hope in our fallen world

'I have overcome the world' ... God always reminds us of His absolute power. Maybe He knows we need to hear it. We desire security. So He offers us that by telling of His Sovereignty. He conquered the grave. He beat this world. He survived death and lives! He is our strength. He is our fortress. We do not need to fear our trouble. The God of creation has our back.


There you go. Pick a passage and dissect it yourself now!

An Upcoming Great Movie Release

I have been anticipating the release of this movie in August ever since I heard about it. I find myself wishing Christian movies went to theaters more and more often. This movie has a message that kids need to hear ...

What do I want my life to be about?

Check this out if you've got teens, work with teens, or minister to teens. It's a really moving story that I will not likely miss.

http://www.tosavealifemovie.com/index.php

Becoming More: In my heart

I’m doing a new study by Lysa TerKeurst for the next six weeks, and I’m already excited about what God is going to do with me in this study. I’m feeling stretched – and my sister always taught me that stretching is the best way to make the most of your workout. Stretching leads to building strength and endurance. It warms you up for whatever is on the horizon.

This week was all about becoming more than a ‘good Bible study girl’ in my heart. What does that even mean?

1. I felt God calling me to a deeper understand of my total security and worth in HIM – solely. “I want my beliefs to work no matter what life throws at me. I want to be so certain of God’s presence that I never feel like I have to face anything in my own strength or rely on my own perspectives …” I want to love God and know God is there even when things are not awesome: when I’m lonely, when I’m upset, when I’m scared. Total security. There was a lot of reflection about failure. How we attach failure of a task to our self-worth. We failed = we are a failure. But that’s not true. At all. That is what Beth Moore would consider bad math. “I separate my shortcomings from my identity and let Jesus be the only measure of my worth.” The ONLY measure.

2. It also means that God is only thing I will ever need. TRULY need. I love my husband. My family. My house. My church. My friends. My sweet, gangly (spell check says that is not a real word), bug-eyed dog. But I do not need them – meaning they do not offer me fulfillment.

3. It also means that things I want will also never offer fulfillment, at least not permanent. We will always want more. It – whatever it is - will always be just out of reach. “Apart from a thriving relationship with God, even if you got everything on your list, there would still be a hollow gap in your soul … possessions are meant to be appreciated and used to bless others.”

Here is the main question I felt completely convicted about – and felt called to action to answer:

“How might our lives look if we were so filled with God’s truth we could let go of the pain of the past, not get tripped up by the troubles of today, or consumed by worries about tomorrow?”

I want a real relationship with God. I don’t want to just “do the right things” and hope that I’m checking off all the good things I am supposed to be doing: going to church, praying, being nice, etc. Those are great. But something is missing.

“The true secret to fulfillment … involves no unrealistic expectations. Not reaching back for what was lost in my yesterdays. Not reaching for what I hope will be in my tomorrow. But living fully with what is right in front of me. And truly seeing the gift of this moment.”

Africa Adventures Begin!

Today was shot day ... I got five today, and I have three more in a couple of weeks. Who knew shots could be so painful? Luckily ... they tell you the side effects afterward.

I pray it's all worth it once I see that beautiful desert plain.

Pray for a quick recovery.