Debunking Discipline

I was watching Bruce Almighty this weekend, and I was thinking about his whole perception of God at the beginning of the movie. “God is a mean kid sitting on an anthill with a magnifying glass, and I'm the ant. He could fix my life in five minutes if He wanted to, but he'd rather burn off my feelers and watch me squirm.”

I got to thinking that a lot of people believe that. A lot of people feel like ‘if God loved me, He should:

1. Give me everything I want
2. Not correct/discipline me.’

But we were talking about parenthood in church yesterday, and the pastor made a great point: is that how we treat our own children? Do we give them EVERYthing they want? Do we avoid correcting them or disciplining them?

No. So, I guess we don’t love our own kids because we correct them, discipline them, and choose what they should and should not have.

I think some important verses to debunk this way of thinking are the following:

Prov. 3:11-12: "My son, do not despise the LORD's discipline and do not resent his rebuke, because the LORD disciplines those he loves, as a father the son he delights in."

Prov. 13:24: "He who spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is careful to discipline him."

John 16:33: "I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world."

So, what does God do … if He loves us?

He gives us prayer to communicate with Him, scripture to guide us, the Holy Spirit to obey Him (because we can’t do it on our own), and a family of believers to encourage, train, and come along side us. And He disciplines us.

He doesn’t discipline us to demean us, to be harsh, or to be unloving. That is not what Godly discipline looks like. It is meant to sting – not scar. The goal of Godly discipline is this: “Endure hardship as discipline; God is treating you as sons. For what son is not disciplined by his father? If you are not disciplined (and everyone undergoes discipline), then you are illegitimate children and not true sons. Moreover, we have all had human fathers who disciplined us and we respected them for it. How much more should we submit to the Father of our spirits and live! Our fathers disciplined us for a little while as they thought best; but God disciplines us for our good, that we may share in his holiness (emphasis mine). No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it” (Hebrews 12:7-11).

On the Water

I've been thinking a lot about the story of Peter and Jesus where they are out on a stormy sea. Jesus gets out and starts walking on the water, so Peter thinks, "hey, I want to try that too!" But as Jesus calls to him, Peter looks down at the water. It's too much for him to bear. He sees the crashing waves, the deep water, probably an abundance of sea life beneath his feet. He starts to sink.

I feel like I am at a point right now where Jesus has called me out of the boat onto the water ... and either I can get scared about things I think I see, or I can trust Jesus. Chances are there will be days when I begin to sink, but right now I'm learning to trust Jesus and come to His call for me to follow Him out onto the raging sea.

Join me on the water. I'll be the one walking with Jesus with the duck floatie around my waist (I mean you still have to be careful). Someday soon, maybe I'll even shed the duckie.

Life with Short Hair

I feel like I’ve been living in two places. My mind and heart are in St. Louis … but my body is still in Kenya. I can’t seem to shake the desire to go to bed at 8pm and get up at 5am. I know it’s normal to feel the jet lag, but it is pretty annoying. Brent is trying to drag me off the couch to eat dinner every night, but I just stay … too tired to move.

I need to start drinking soda again to give myself some energy. Or Red Bull.

I do miss Coke from those old fashioned bottles. They just taste better. Brent didn’t give up drinking pop, so when he has one I smell it (yes, I literally inhale the delicious Coke fumes) and live vicariously through him.

Anyway, all random and useless information, but that’s all I’ve got right now.

Beautiful Sacrifice

I had been planning to donate my hair to Locks of Love for about two months now. I planned to wait until after Africa - so that I could just throw my hair into ponytails while I was there. Thursday I panicked. I was second guessing myself, making excuses about why I should wait, and on and on. Then I talked to my mom yesterday morning, and she encouraged me with what my original intention was.

I knew it would be a sacrifice. I liked my long hair, but I had this stirring that some little girl with cancer somewhere was excited to get a new wig - and they needed my hair to finish it up. So, against my every selfish, vain, thought ... I did it!!!

Living the Gospel

Today was my first day back to work. So many people were excited to hear about Africa. I didn't realize so many people knew about it, but people kept asking. I had tons of hard questions: what was the biggest thing you missed, what shocked you, what did you love most, what was the hardest?

It was actually great to think about those things. It's part of the process of coming home. I have so much rattling around in my heart that I need to find ways to get it out. So questions are perfect.

I think one of the biggest things I realized was that sometimes people expect you to do "really big things" on mission trips. Sometimes even the people going expect to do "really big things" and accept nothing less. If that is what happens, GREAT! Praise God.

But what if it doesn't? What if your peace rallies are cancelled because violence breaks out? What if you can't finish a dormitory because it's a huge job for a two-week trip? What then? Is your trip a waste?

I struggled at some points on the trip because I was upset that our plans were changing. The things we had planned to do were falling through. God was shutting doors. But we asked ourselves, "Okay, now what?"

We began doing little things: talking to people we meet at the markets, on the streets, in church; evangelizing to children and giving them a place to have fun, eat, and learn about God; helping a little boy get to hospital; cleaning a baby girl's wounded arm; laughing and playing with orphans.

I realized we were truly living out the Gospel. When Jesus came, He didn't come and do all this "big" stuff. He talked to a woman at a well, He healed a sick girl, He taught on a mountain top, He changed water into wine at a wedding. I bet the disciples were like, "Okay Jesus ... when are we going to get to the big, powerful stuff? When are we going to crush our oppressors and take back our cities?"

But Jesus was faithful in the little things. He found worth in doing the "small" jobs. He found joy in helping those who needed help or needed hope.

So, when I feel Satan telling me ... "You didn't do anything huge in Africa." I'll remember that it is the little things that can change people's lives ... and if I am faithful in the little things, God will give me more to do when the time is right.

Pray that I continue to uncover the feelings this trip stirred up.

Nakuru

Today was crazy! We woke and went to the Nakuru Park. It was really fun. The monkeys at the beginning were hilarious! They climb on your car, and they jump in your windows if they are open. If you have bags, they play with them or run away them if they can carry it. The animals were beautiful and it was cool with the truck top popped.

After the safari we drove an hour to Naishu to a hippo water park, and we took a boat ride to see hippos. That was actually REALLY scary, but it was cool. Then we took a little hike on the ground to see non-violent animals.

Then we BOOKED to Nairobi and made it in time for the YaYa market. We had 30 minutes to spend the rest of our money. It was insane. I was a crazy woman trying to spend all my shillings and get all my gifts for people. I got plenty.

We stopped at the "mall" and picked up something I had ordered for Brent. I got him an authentic Germany soccer jersey from the world cup this year with his name on the back. It looks awesome!!!

We had our last meal at the Java House, and it was delicious. At 11 pm, we boarded our plane and left Kenya around 11:45 that night. It was bittersweet. God is still opening my eyes to what I saw and experienced. It will take a lot of debriefing at home to get it all sorted out, but I am excited to start the process. I can't wait to get home to Brent and share stories and talk about it.

Thank you for your prayers. It was an awesome experience (one that I cannot fully discuss in blogging), and I hope you got a glimpse into my time there.

Asante sana, Mzungus!

Leaving

Today has been a long and hard day. We woke up early and delivered all our "stuff" to the right places (most of our clothes and books and toys went to Turkwel with Peter since we could not go). We said bye to the kids we met while evangelizing and bye to Peter (Joe's other brother) and his kids, and we headed to Koytumo.

The chicken house is 98% finished! They just need some chicks, which will be delivered after we have gone.

We gave out all our clothes to the orphans in Koytumo. I gave out all the dresses we (my Bible study) had made, and they were adorable.

The hardest part was leaving Esther. None of us were really prepared for how that would feel ... and it was so sad. We all said bye, got in the car, and she bawled. We bawled too. They called us as we drove to Nakuru (5.5 hours) and said she was playing with the kids. It's going to be hard for her to adjust back. She's used to showers, brushing her teeth, McDonald's ... and it's back to Kenyan life now. But we all know God has an amazing plan for her life.

We drove to Nakuru and stopped at the EQUATOR. It was awesome. I was in both hemispheres at once! We all got our pictures taken, and I bought an equator plate. It was cool.

We are staying at the Amani Guest House, and we had dinner at the Merican Hotel (pretty good food and lots of Mzungus - white people).

We talked about whether we are ready to go home or could stay longer, and I could definitely stay another week. I miss Brent - but how many times are you in Africa?

I am resting up for our fun safari (actual safari) tomorrow.

Lord, thank You for this trip. Please continue to change my heart. Please don't let me remain unaffected.

Koytumo

Today was a good day. We slept in a bit after we all had a rough night. We prayed for God to open doors and set off for Koytumo. We played with the kids. Obi (Joe's famous brother who is a newscaster in Kenya) interviewed Karen and Timothy about little Esther (the whole situation with her). We worked on more child sponsorships, too. Then we drove around Kitale and literally called children to us to evangelize. We have learned a lot of Swahili, so it was fun talking to the kids a bit.

We had a couple groups of kids. We played games with them, shared the Gospel message (by using the colors), and then put Gospel bracelets on them and let them play with a Gospel soccer ball (a ball with the Gospel colors all over it). They LOVE soccer here. Then we gave them white bread (a true treat).

It was really cool, and we would have missed this if we had gone to Turkwel.

Tomorrow is the day we are leaving Esther in Koytumo with Andrew and Sarah. I can't even imagine how that is going to look or feel. Lord, please give us peace and protect Esther.

I'm still trying to reflect and think about what life is going to be like back home. I don't want to come home unchanged - unaffected.

Lord, please change my heart to be better for You. I want to be most thankful, more selfless, less material, and more ...something else that God has yet to reveal.

Lord, open my eyes to my blessings. Open my mouth to praise You more. Open my ears to hear you more.

Goat Slaughter in Koytumo

Today, against my better judgement, I watched a goat slaughtered for dinner. Chicken Nuggets was the bravest little guy. It is a true African experience to be a part of the slaughtering of dinner, and I wanted to get past my own "American" way of thinking and try to get into the culture a little.

So I watched a little, and it was horrifying. But I made it through and I even tried a little of the goat after they cooked it all up that night.

We taught the kids how to roast marshmallows. We tried to do S'mores - but they don't have chocolate bars or graham crackers in Kenya. So we just did marshmallows. The kids loved being a part of MAKING the meal ... because they usually aren't. They loved roasting them.

The stars here are beautiful at night. There are no lights, so everything is so clear. It's amazing. I wish I could bottle it up and bring it home - or capture it on film ... but I can't.

We found out today that our trip to Turkwel has been cancelled. Violence broke out. They haven't seen violence since 2005 when Get the Word Out was first there! But a Turkana stole a Pikot cow ... and then later when they found out that the Turkana's voted YES and the Pikot voted NO in the consitution election, violence broke out and a Pikot killed a Turkana.

We aren't sure when the Turkana will retaliate, but we know the will. So, we cannot go.

It was a hard thing to hear. We had been looking forward to that so much. We were all sad, frustrated, and very disappointed. But we trust God has a plan.

Rain Out

Today was a rain out. We are spending the day resting up for Thursday - Monday because it will be tiring.

We ate at the Kitale Club - well, I chatted because I wasn't hungry for lunch. Then we hunted for monkeys to no avail.

We came back to the guesthouse for the evening and some of us took a hike around the property. I think Brent would be proud of all the hiking I am doing.

I did get to call Brent once. That was awesome.

Kara Pakot, Kase, & Kasaka

Today was a long day, full of spiritual warfare. We drove on the worst road in Kenya (literally) for 3.5 hours to get to Kase to see Dorkus and all her orphans. Our plan was to bring her and all the orphans to Andrew and Sara's in Koytumo because of an unfortunate situation with Dorkus's husband (which I will not go into here). However, we got there and she had not contacted the government yet to let them know we were taking them - so we couldn't do it. It would look like we were "stealing" them to the surrounding community because unfortunately people do not side with the women in situations like this.

We found a little girl who had been burned when she fell into a fire, and her hand had not been taken care of. Big Esther (there's also a little Esther and a baby Esther) cleaned and dressed it. So it was a good thing we were there. It would have been infected soon. We also met a boy with Malaria - and all he needed was a ride to the hospital in the city. So we squished he and his dad into our truck on the way home.

Then we drove 45 minutes up a mountain "path" (NOT ROAD) to get to where little Esther's dad lives. We parked and walked about a mile up the mountain and met her family (dad, grandma, grandpa, sisters, uncles). They were so excited to see her, but they hadn't been told we were coming so they were upset that we could not stay the night. They wanted to have a celebration to thank us for taking Esther to the states for cancer treatment and bringing her back.

INSTEAD, they gave Esther a goat to take with us to eat. He's adorable. We named him Chicken Nuggets since we were going to be eating him soon - not me, I don't eat things I've met.

After that, we took our goat and headed back down to Kase. We had dinner there and worked on the sponsorship kids here (interviews and pictures), and then drove back around midnight on the bumpy road again.

Kapeguria, Kitale, Koytumo, West Pokot

We had prayed and decided to go to Uganda today, but God closed the door this morning. The road is blocked off. It took someone SEVEN hours to get 10 miles. That is insane. So today we are off to see the kids again.

We painted nails - even the boys wanted their nails painted here. Gender stereotypes are like zero. Boys wear pink shirts, shoes, etc - anything they have because they don't have much.

My big project is still working with the child sponsorship program. We interviewed all the kids in the program, took pictures, and gave them pretty handmade bracelets at the end of their turn. It was a joy to be there today.

In Kitale, we had a chance to stop at an Internet cafe to send an email home. We also shopped at the "African Walmart" (Gigamart), and it was crazy. Ten times crazier than Walmart.

I am missing Brent a lot, but the experience has been amazing so far.

We're back at Richard's (Miss Timmy's) for dinner. He has like 100 dogs and cats - plus the puppies.

We went to a candle shop today too where these women showed us how they make candles from bees wax. They make silk products too. The organization's proceeds go to the education and empowerment of women. It was called "Cabesi" in West Pokot. I got candles for all my sponsors and organic honey for my organic sister.

Lord, allow me to sleep well tonight and be rested for our "safari" tomorrow to Kara Pokot (a LONG way away). Thank you.

Koytumo Church Day

Thoughts from the sermon:
-our prayers reveal how great we think God is
-are we praying for something only God can do? Sometimes He says: no, yes, not now, or be patient, but He always answers us.

Today was long but amazing. We went to Joe's church and everyone was very welcoming. We all went to the front and told about ourselves and why we had come.

The kids were the best part of the day. They were amazing. They all welcome you and come up and shake your hard and say "Jambo!"

We took a ton of pictures today. I am taking pictures of each kid for the sponsorship program. That is one of the big projects I am doing here.

The kids crowded around for candy and pictures (they always wanted to take the pictures). They are all so grateful. They also automatically share with each other. One kid got two pixie sticks and automatically turned and gave one to his littler sister.

Although they live in poverty, I sometimes think they have a lot more wealth than a lot of Americans. Sometimes I feel like I'm the poor one, learning things from them. It's so simple here. It's not complicated with a drive for success and technology and busy-ness. It's all about family, working hard, and living life. I wish we were called to live here.

I need to start thinking now how I will let this trip change me. I want to know specific ways that I will be different after this "safari" (journey).

Lord, please open my eyes and heart to see you and how you want to use me on this trip. Show me what you want and what you want me to do - and change when I go home.

One thing is not letting the busy-ness of live get to me. I want my heart to be on Kenya time.

One thing that shocked me was my interpretation of "orphanage" because it doesn't mean a house for orphans. There is no "house" because there is no building where they all play, eat, and sleep. They all just go off during the day - and do whatever they want to and then come back at night if they want to sleep around in the area. Some sleep together in small beds, some sleep on dirt floors, etc. I guess when we used to term "orphanage" it is just a way to wrap our minds around the situation = two people caring for lots of homeless orphans.